I shall not want

From the love of my own comfort

From the fear of having nothing

From a life of worldly passions

Deliver me O God

 

From the need to be understood

From the need to be accepted

From the fear of being lonely

Deliver me O God

Deliver me O God

 

And I shall not want, I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

 

From the fear of serving others

From the fear of death or trial

From the fear of humility

Deliver me O God

Deliver me O God

 

And I shall not want, I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

 

No, I shall not want, I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

 

When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

I've been listening to this song on repeat for several days and the lyrics just keep getting me.  The lyrics are uncomfortable and definitely bring out some struggles in my heart.  

From the need to be understood

From the need to be accepted

From the fear of being lonely

Deliver me O God

Deliver me O God

LIKE OUCH Y'ALL.  That very top line, "from the need to be understood" is what has gotten me the most.  One of my biggest struggles lately has been the lack of my people "getting it".  The combination of infertility and adoption is messy and hard and majority of my people just don't get it.  At all.  I spend a lot of time frustrated over friendship and people just not getting where I'm coming from.  I have said "they just don't understand" probably 2356743 times lately.  But this line.  It gets me in my core.  I don't have to be understood.  I can be DELIVERED from this need to be understood.  Why?  Because the Lord is my Shepherd and I shall not want (Psalm23:1).  

Reading through this Psalm and listening to this song has really convicted my heart over the past few days.  To be really transparent, this has been a hard season of friendship for me.  People not "getting it" has frustrated me.  But, what the Lord impressed upon my heart as I kept thinking about this song and reflecting on Psalm 23 is that my dependence has been on man.  I have depended on friends to encourage me, support me, and get me.  Please don't misunderstand me, I DO believe community and friendships are vital.  This process we've been through has been teaching me a lot about the type of friend I want to be.  I want to be intentional, loving, compassionate, and encouraging.  I want to not only use my words to lift others up, but I want to meet practical needs, too.  Friends are important.  Community is important.  But sometimes your people will fail you.  Sometimes you will fail your people.  WE'RE HUMAN.  This is bound to happen.  What the Lord showed me is NOT that friendships aren't important, but that I should not seek dependence on earthly relationships.  My core should depend on Jesus Christ alone.  Yes, I absolutely need people around me encouraging me and supporting me, but if all that was stripped away I would still be okay because I have Jesus. 

 

I've been thinking a lot about Job.  Literally every single good thing was stripped from his life.  His wealth, his health, his family, his livestock... everything.  His friends we're much help during this time either.  Job calls them "sorry comforters".  Job had nothing... later in Chapter 16 after Job called his friends "sorry comforters" he says "Even now, behold, my witness is in heaven, and my advocate is on high" (Job 16:19). God was his complete dependence.  I love the example of Job's life.  

As I began thinking about my dependence upon man I realized I didn't fully grasp what it meant for God to be my shepherd.  I went to John 10 and started writing down all the truths I saw about God being my shepherd.  I'm not going to write it all out for you because I would love for you to sit down and journal these truths for yourself, but one major thing that jumped out at me is verse 14, "I am the good shepherd; and I know My own and My own know Me..."

I am known by the Shepherd.  Fully and completely known.  There is nothing about me that He does not know and does not understand.  I am fully and completely known.  He cares for my like a shepherd would care for his sheep.  He protects me, comforts me, leads me, feeds me, and calls me by name.  I am not just one in a flock, but I have a name.  I am known, I am seen.  Every blemish is known by Him, every hurt is known by Him, every fear is known by Him.  I am known. 

This completely changes things for me.  I see that my dependence on man keeps me from drawing near to the Shepherd.  It distracts me from listening to His voice because I'm so concerned with what the voices around me are saying.  My dependence on man keeps me from a rich relationship with Jesus.  But, when I choose to let go of the need to be understood and live knowing I am already fully known, I can have richer relationships with the people around me.  I can live in community with grace, compassion, love, and intentionality because I'm not looking for anything in return.  I'm not seeking for life in them.  There will be so much more freedom in my relationships when I live in the truth that I am fully known by the Shepherd. 

When I taste of the goodness of the Lord, I shall not want.  He is enough. Like Job, if everything gets stripped away I can still praise the name of the Father because He is enough.  His goodness is enough.  I can be content in any season or any situation because no matter what Jesus is my portion.  He is all that will satisfy my thirsty soul.  This gives me so much hope as we continue in our adoption journey.  When I taste the goodness of the Lord, I shall not want.  I can live fully content in this season of waiting because I've tasted the goodness of the Lord.  Because I know the Shepherd knows my name.  Deliver me, O God, from anything that distracts me from your goodness and has me longing for more.  Because with you, I have all I need.  The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.