Yes, yes, it's true! We're getting TWO babies. One growing in our hearts... and one growing in my belly! We're pregnant. Those words still feel so foreign to say. We are the parents of not one, but TWO babies. TWO BABIES. I don't know if I'll ever be able to adequately express what this season has felt like for us. I honestly don't know if the reality of it all will sink in until we are home with both babies, but I can tell you that we are humbled, grateful, and overwhelmed with the Lord's sovereignty. I've really struggled with what to say to you here, because I want you to see the depths of our hearts. I want the story of the Lord's sovereignty to be supreme.
May 18, 2016 rocked our world. I woke up that morning so certain of what the Lord was doing. I was confident that we were walking in obedience. We were pursuing adoption whole-heartedly, our marriage was sweeter than it's ever been, and I was fully and completely content. And then a pregnancy test was, finally, positive. positive. In that moment, all I thought I knew about the Lord and His will for this season of our lives changed. Things suddenly shifted and we were overwhelmed by His sovereignty. He knew. He wasn't surprised, this was His will from the beginning. These two babies who will probably be less than 6 months apart, were always part of His will. I'm so humbled by that. We're in the middle of a really unique situation. Adoption + pregnancy together has been a tender, sweet season. But, with it comes questions and comments that can be hurtful. I really wanted to address a few of these things to educate you. To share with you our hearts as future adoptive + biological parents.
"I knew you would get pregnant when you adopted! This happens to so many adoptive families!"
This is hurtful for two reasons: 1. It makes having a biological baby the prize. Biological children aren't the prize. This is not "winning". While we are thrilled over this pregnancy and having this sweet baby enter our family, he/she isn't loved an ounce more than our baby we're waiting on via adoption. Both babies will add their specific personalities to our family. Both babies are important and purposed. Both babies have been given to us as a gift from Jesus. They are not ours. They are His. 2. It creates false ideas about infertility and adoption. I have several friends who are walking hard roads of infertility. Friends who I have cried for and prayed over. This comment hurts me for them. Pregnancy actually does not happen to so many adoptive families. There are lots of couples who struggle with infertility who adopt and never get pregnant. There's nothing "magical" about adoption. Adoption, in no way, increases fertility. It hurts my heart to see adoption as a way to "cheat" God and get what we want. Adoption is the most beautiful picture of the gospel. I pray that we wouldn't cheapen it into something that has us thinking we can manipulate God into doing what we want.
"See, you just needed to relax!"
If I heard this once, I heard it a million times as we became more open about trying to conceive. This comment is hurtful because all I hear is, "it was your fault." Saying this to someone who has gotten pregnant after infertility or someone who is still in the midst of trying to conceive is one of the most defeating things you could say. This comment totally takes away the sovereignty of God. It tells me that if I would have done something differently, I would have gotten a different outcome 6 months, 12 months, or 22 months ago. I believe to the core of my being that I could have been the most "relaxed" person on the planet for those 22 months and the Lord would have still closed my womb. Because it was His will. I believe that every single day of waiting is purposed. Every single day that the Lord worked in our hearts to get us to a place where we would be obedient to the call to adopt was purposed. Every single day that the Lord prepared my body to carry this baby, THIS particular baby, was purposed. We don't believe this happened randomly. We believe that both of these babies are coming at this exact time because it was 100% the will of God. A year ago this weekend I was really struggling with waiting. My friend Caroline sent this to me and I've thought about it regularly since she sent it, "Timing is everything for God. And it usually doesn't have to do with us but with others involved. So trusting His plan for your babies has to happen here at this moment in time and then here and then here. Because He sees the whole picture. What will be their ministry? Why give them to you at that moment? Because God is about His story. And His glory." These babies are being born at the EXACT time the Lord wills. Who knows what He will use them for? Who knows what their story is? These babies are not just "our babies". They are tiny people the Lord has created for his ultimate glory. The waiting wasn't for nothing. The waiting is meaningful, more meaningful than I'll ever be able to comprehend.
"Oh, so you're really still going to adopt?"
100% YES! We fully believe that the Lord called us to adoption at this particular time in our lives and we are to walk in obedience. As crazy as our lives will probably be with two tiny humans only months apart, we know that this is the obedience the Lord has called us to. We weren't guaranteed safe, predictable, or normal lives. But we were guaranteed to have the Spirit with us every step of the way. Throughout this pregnancy, my desire for our adopted baby has grown. I've been able to pray for our birth mama differently. I've been able to pray for our baby differently. The Lord has given me a really unique season of longing and waiting for this baby and it's been sweet. So yes, we are still adopting. And we are so ready for our baby to come home.
We couldn't be more excited about these babies. Anytime I say "the babies" or "the kids" I get tears in my eyes because it still doesn't seem real. I am a Mama of two. We are about a week or so away from our home-study being complete and we'll be active soon after. We are praying for our adopted baby to come home this fall as we prepare for baby #2 in January. We humbly ask you to pray with us as we anticipate our family growing by 4 feet in the coming months. We want to walk daily in obedience and trust what the Lord is doing. Please continue to pray for our birth Mama as she walks the brave road of choosing life and choosing adoption. We are so humbled that we get to share our excitement and our family with you. Thank you for loving us, supporting us, praying for us, and celebrating with us! We can't wait to share these Cole babies with each of you!