I was going to share our profile book today, but I'm going to wait and share that next week (along with a sweet baby shower and our nursery reveal!). The past 8 or 9 days have been challenging my heart in new ways. We've started to see cases (With the referral service we're going through, we review EVERY case before we say "yes" to presenting our profile to that birth mom. Usually, a family won't know that a birth mom has viewed their profile [except for certain circumstances] until they've been chosen) and it's really been doing a number on me emotionally and spiritually. These birth moms aren't just hypothetical mamas anymore... they are real women with real stories and real hurts and real struggles. Knowing a little bit about them and the babies they are growing has wrecked me in many ways. Almost all day long I wonder,
"Has she seen our profile?"
"Does she like us?"
"Will she pick us?"
"Will we hear an answer soon?"
"Will we really have her as our birth mom and this baby as our son/daughter?"
As soon as I wake up in the morning I have fought these consuming thoughts. I don't want to be consumed with questions in the wait. I don't want this to be all I think about all day. I don't want to be enslaved to my own thoughts or fears or questions. I've been so burdened by this struggle this week and I've really wrestled with fully trusting the Lord with these questions. This morning I woke up with this scripture on my mind,
"For as many as may be the promises of God, in Him they are YES; wherefore also by Him is our Amen to the glory of God through us." 2 Corinthians 1:20
Instead of being consumed by the questions and the worry, I can be confident in the promises of God. I can be confident that He is able (2 Cor.9:8), His grace is sufficient(2 Cor. 12:9), I can always cast my cares on Him (1 Peter 5:7), He will give me rest (Matt. 11:28-30), He will never leave me (Hebrews 13:5), and with Him... all things are possible (Luke 18:27).
Today, I want to fully rest in these promises and believe they are a YES for me because of Christ. I want to pray bold prayers because He tells me that all things are possible with Him. I want to completely open my heart and trust Him to be faithful to me through the joy or through the heartache. I want to believe in freedom that His promises are for me and that I can experience the joy of living in communion with Him. I don't have to live enslaved to my own questions or my own fear. I can choose to believe in the promises of God. I can repeat these minute by minute when fear or doubt creep in. I can choose to believe that He is for me.
I absolutely love this sermon by John Piper. It's old, but it's so so good. I loved when He said this about prayer, "Amen is the great affirmation that God is the Giver and we are the needy. Amen affirms God's grace and goodness and power and wisdom to respond in the very best way for His glory and for our good. All prayer should have the glory of God as its chief aim. Amen is our YES to the glory of God." I can pray boldly believing that He can answer with a resounding "YES!" while also trusting that He will answer in a way that brings the most glory to Himself and ultimate good to me. I can trust Him in the "not nows" and the "nos". I want my heart to be consumed with wanting more of His glory and more of Him. I want to say "amen" to more of His glory always.
I don't know what your particular struggle is today or this week, but I know that His promises are YES for you. We can dig into His word and know that what Jesus says, He means. We can grab onto these truths and believe them to be a "yes" for us. We can have rest, we can have freedom, we can know that He will never, ever leave us. My prayer for you today is that you would find some of His promises to hold onto. Believe Him at His word. He is faithful.