I've been a mama for all of four months and I already feel like I'm forgetting things. Forgetting what tiny four pound Campbell felt like in my arms. Forgetting how many times he got up at night. Forgetting what it felt like to be huge and pregnant holding a baby on top. Forgetting what it was like those last moments Crawford was in my belly. Forgetting what those first snuggles with my girl felt like. There are so many tiny moments that sometimes seem unimportant. In the moment it's hard to even fathom forgetting what some things are like... because sometimes it feels like it'll never end. These mundane days can sometimes seem like they aren't important and everyday can feel the same. But every single day is different. Every single day these babies grow up. Every single day they learn something new, notice something for the first time. Every single day these babies are growing up right in front of my face and sometimes... sometimes I can forget. I can forget that these days are all I have. I can't go back. I can't go back to tiny Campbell in his hospital room, holding my first baby for the first time. I can't go back and hear Crawford cry for the first time. There's no going back, only going forward. And life is too short for me to miss it. Life is too short for me to worry about how clean my house is or how different my postpartum body is. Life is too short for me to waste these days thinking that there will always be more. I have this one day. This one day when these babes are the exact age that they are. ONE DAY. Maybe this seems like I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself, but really... this is freeing. I have today. Right now. Tomorrow, I'll worry about tomorrow. Today... I can live life loving my babies. Doing what I can with the time I have. And I have 24 hours. And then tomorrow... we start again. Life is too short for me to not live fully in each 24 hour period the Lord gives me.
I want to remember these days. I want to be able to look back and see my messy hair and pajama clad postpartum body. I want to look back and see how tiny my babies are in my unmade bed. I want to see our real, grainy, messy, honest life. Because these are 24 hours that I'll just never get back again.
brief outline of our day at the bottom at this post.
3:58 Crawford wakes up, I feed her and put her back to bed
5:55 My alarm goes off, but I end up laying in bed until 6:15. I get up, fix coffee, and sit down for my quiet time
6:30 I hear Campbell wake up, but I leave him talking in his bed while I read
7:00 Get Camp up, he sees Ty before he leaves for work, and gets his first bottle
7:30 We snuggle after he eats and watch the end of a fixer upper episode I fell asleep in the night before
8:00 Crawford gets up, she eats, Campbell plays on the floor while we listen to a podcast
8:15 Campbell gets fussy and we cuddle before he goes down for a nap.
8:30 I take Campbell to his room for a nap. He falls asleep while I hold him before putting him down in his crib. This never happens!
8:30-9:00 Crawford plays on the floor, I fix breakfast
9:00 Crawford and I snuggle in bed while I have breakfast and we watch The Bachelor
9:45 Crawford lays down in her dockatot and I jump in the shower
10:00 Camp wakes up but I make him stay in bed until I finish drying my hair.
10:30 Camp eats and we sit next to a fussy Crawford in bed and listen to All Sons and Daughters
11:00 Campbell plays on the bed while Crawford eats
11:30 Campbell starts to get restless, we read a few books
11:45 Campbell is fussy, we play and sing and hold out on nap as long as possible
12:00 Campbell goes down for a nap, I get Crawford in her dockatot in bed for a nap so I can get a little bit of work done for House of Hope
1:00 Crawford is restless in bed (she doesn't sleep well for naps) so I bring her out in her dockatot to sleep next to me while I have lunch
2:00 They both wake up and eat and then they play on the floor while I do a little laundry
3:30 Campbell goes back down for another nap and I wash bottles and straighten the house
5:00 Campbell and Crawford are both up to eat
5:30 Tyler gets home, we play, eat leftovers around 6:15 and keep the babies occupied until we prep for bath at 7:15
7:15 we start bath routine. Campbell gets in the bath with me, then Crawford, then they eat
8:15-8:30 both babes go to bed and mama and daddy get some time to themselves!